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Call of Cthulhu lacks actual Cthulhu

TranscriptEdit

  INTRO

BRO TEAM! Don't you DARE ever fuckin' loo-

TITLE

Call of Cu...This game is so wicked, you probably won't be able to handle it.

REVIEW

(BRO)

Jack Walters, notorious taxidermist and shit disturber, is called in by the police to talk Lisa Kudrow out of suicide. He gets honry so he travels to the town of Whorisma to interbulate the locals

(GAME)

I don't know nothing about that.

You're in the wrong place asking the wrong questions outsider.

(BRO)

'Kay one more.

(GAME)

Folks who know what's good for them are bolted in their homes by now.

(BRO)

Okay one more.

(GAME)

If you don't like it you can just turn around and leave.

(BRO)

Okay one more.

(GAME)

You're lucky you might have scared him off with that ugly face of yours.

(BRO)

Then you talk to a bunch of fuckin' retards are no help whatsoever. Aw get off your high fuckin' horse.

Next is Piss Pants Peter. And I hope the fuckin' demon gets him.

(GAME)

No he can't get me.

(BRO)

The investigation continues.

(GAME)

Are your parents at work?

Daddy's at work.

You don't say.

(BRO)

Wow Jack, been awhile since you cuts yourself and did some drugs. Should probably do that shit in the SEWERS. So after a long day of wandering around being a liberal arts graduate Jack deci-

WRONG ASSHOLE THESE GUYS ARE HERE TO FUCK...YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!

*noises of panic*

CLOSE THE DOOR! SHUT THE FUCKING THING THEY'RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU. PUSH THAT OUT- PUSH IT OUT OF THE WAY.  THERE'S A DOOR B- PUSH IT MORE THE DOOR- GET THROUGH THE FUCKIN'  DOOR- BOLT THAT DOOR-  NO CLOSE THE FUCKIN'- NO CLOSE THE FUCKIN' DOOR. HOLY SHIT.

*more noises of panic*

YOU WOKE HER UP!

*more screams*

(GAME)

Drop me a line next time you plan on takin' the stealthy approach.

(BRO)

Alright. Dear Mackey,

*another BroTeam song*

(GAME)

We've got a better chance of staying alive if try we sneak past them

(BRO)

Yeah, I know

*song continues*

So in conclusion,

(GAME)

Shut your trap Mackey.

(BRO)

Oh of course you can't fuckin' do anything, let me help you out.

(GAME)

Nope

(BRO)

Just kidding! Oh do you need help too?

(GAME)

*screams*

(BRO)

What a shame. PEACE

In this game, when a lot of YOU show up the bad guys get on the turrets.

 

So Jack makes his way to the pressure cooter, but it's too much for him to handle. Luckily earlier, he found the Song of TIme and he comes back to life as the briefcase. And defeats one of these bosses by shoving salt up his dick. He pushes the crystal 'til the laser bounces off the thing. So you tell Mackey that you'll let him out of jail if he helps you kill guys and doesn't get killed by a fat bald guy in front of- OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT DID I JUST SAY. Overcome with lust you throw yourself down a gaint hole to land in the waters of etertnal-

FUCK THAT someone else played the Song of Time and now you're a sailor. Poseidon turns you into every member of the Fantastic Four then decides he wants that power back. Don't look at me Uras-tease motherfucker. This guy knows the secret.

(GAME)

We need your help

Don't ki-*dies*

(BRO)

Just kidding I can take out the leader with my ass nailed shut.

Oblivion gate, once again. Shai-Hulud once again. Titty Overlord challenges you to a duel. Hit the gong, and it's dead right away. Press the red beep-boop and another Obl-voin gate opens up. Now you're an alien boiiiii mission accomplished. Time to bro- Nope their planet explodes. LUCKILY, they knew the Song of Time.

You are in now in Arkham Asylum and you are insane. You kill yourself before Spiderman can scramble your DICK. Sweet or what? You should totally play it, there's a bunch of shit I didn't spoil for you.

(OUTRO)

I give this game an ohhhhh-yeaaaaah. OUTSIDER.

Trivia and Other KnowledgesEdit

  • Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt
  • Someone tried to edit this entry. They were never found again on the internet.
  • Probably because they lived in Saudi Arabia, black market is much cheaper there

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